One moment at a time: Marriage, What?

Okay, relationships, long term relationships and marriage. My other half and I have been together for 11 years this December and married 6 this May (gasp- my daughter is 7 and a half, yes, we had her out of "wedlock"). Marriage is funny, I think because we come into relationships with expectations. We think, oh I should do this and they should do that. I guess if I had to describe how I used to feel it would be like this: Life would carry this special magic wand that says, "Don't worry, it will be a fairytale." We think that just because we fell in love with someone that it will have this easy breezy way about it. (Ever seen Enchanted?) I am by no means saying love, life, or anything of the such cannot be a fairytale but a fairytale life takes work.

Marriage is work, long term relationships require work. A full time job plus more. Learning how to talk, how to communicate, how to listen. We both come with this idea of; you know what, I am right, so there. We think that love is just something that happened not something that we have to work at to keep alive. The key to being in a happy relationship I think is this clue right here: work. Life usually just doesn't walk around handing out winning lotto tickets. Lord have mercy, it doesn't even let most of us buy a winning lotto ticket!

Everyone walks through good times and bad times with their significant other. I think sometimes we forget that just because we walk through something difficult does not mean that we need to be ashamed or pretend like we did not walk through it. There is this weird pressure, not sure if I would call it peer pressure but there is this marriage pressure out there. Who has it perfect? Who had the best wedding? Who had the most expensive, most glamorous wedding? Who looks adoooorrabbblllleeee together? Who has the best house? The best cars? It seems so appearance based and superficial. Do you look the part? Can you act the part? The problem with marriage is that it is not a page out the Vanity Fare, or the Cosmo, or the bride(zilla) mag you are currently reading. Marriage is this force, this life all is its own. To say I do for the rest of my life, the rest of your life is something is that is down right amazing. When we are young -and dumb- I don't think we have the capability to grasp this concept.

I am now at the age where I am kinda shocked that I am here. Seriously. I am 30? No, that's not right. My daughter will be 8 this year - hold up. How in the heck did that even happen?? But you know what I am 30 and so much wiser (obviously with some room still to grow). I see the life that my other half and I have lived together and realize the places we have been and where our life can go. Has it been an easy ride? Has it always been fun? Um, no. But do I think that we can make it through? Absolutely and I think our life will be wonderful because we have each other. What better thing then to be able to look at each other and say "Through it all, we stuck together." The good, bad, ugly, beautiful, worse, wonderful. When it is astounding, when we are struggling we still choose to stick together because together we are so much more then we are apart.

Life isn't always rainbows and walks on the beach (unless maybe you are born with that shiny silver spoon in your mouth but then that's still up for debate another day and another time). We have to work and work hard for the things we want in life. We have to fight to make relationships a priority, to make them fun, to make them safe, to make them spontaneous.

I am closing this memory page with a few pictures of my wedding day, which I do have to say was one of the most fun experiences of my life. We did our wedding our way, in our own time. When I sit back and think about it, it makes me smile and wish we could do it all over again. I don't think I would change a thing, our wedding wasn't perfect. We were married by what my husband calls the "cattle caller" and there was this amazingly grouchy woman who yelled "PLEASE RISE FOR THE BRIDE" in the most horrible voice you could ever imagine. My blue flowers, the chapel promised me, were spray painted blue and reeked. They were also doing some sort of remodel on the building the day we got married. When Brian and I cut our wedding cake, we both realized that we never discussed what we would do and assumed the other was smashing cake in our face. So guess what? You can see the picture below for yourself!

Our wedding wasn't perfect but you know what, in the same aspect it was. It was exactly what it needed to be, a reminder that who really cares? Am I really going to get hung up on something so silly? What matters was and still is that we were there together and we were in it for the long haul. For better or worse I look forward to many years to come.